Sevgilimin Başkasıyla Konuştuğunu Nasıl Anlarım?
Güven ile ilgili soru işaretleri taşıyan ilişkilerde bir tarafın kendisine sıklıkla sorduğu sorular vardır, “acaba sevgilim biriyle konuşuyor mu? Konuşuyorsa bunu nasıl anlarım?” vb. Bizlerde sizin için bu soruları cevaplamaya geldik. Umarız yardımcı olabiliriz. 😊
Sevgilimin Başkasıyla Konuştuğunu Nasıl Anlarım?
Yukarıda da bahsetmiş olduğumuz gibi, bazen kendi kaygılarımızdan veya yaşanmışlıklarımızdan bazen ise karşımızdaki kişinin bize gösterdiği veya göstermediği ilgiden dolayı, ilişkinin başından bu yana veya dönemsel olarak güven problemleri yaşayabiliriz. Öncelikle belirtmekte fayda görüyoruz, en başından güven duymadığınız biriyle birlikteyseniz bu muhtemelen sizi yoracak bir ilişki olduğundan, bu ilişkiyi gerçekten isteyip istemediğinizi kendinize sormanız gerekiyor. Güvene dayalı olmayan ilişkilerin sonunun genellikle iki tarafın da yıpranmasıyla son bulduğu aslında bilinen bir gerçek. Eğer çok güvendiğiniz ama zaman zaman şüphelendiğiniz bir ilişkiden bahsediyorsak, detaylara sizi çok yormadan geçelim.
Sevgilinizin biriyle konuşup konuşmadığını anlamanın birçok yolu var. En etik olan yol tabii ki bunu kendisine sormak olacaktır ama her zaman sorduğumuz sorunun doğru cevabını alamayabiliyoruz. Bu yüzden öncelikle sevgilinizin hareketlerini incelemenizi öneriyoruz. Bir başkasıyla flörtleşmeye başladıysa, hareketlerini takip ettiğinizde bunu kolaylıkla anlayabilirsiniz. Bunun yanı sıra kullandığı sosyal medya hesaplarını da takip etmenizi öneriyoruz. Kendisinden şifresini istemek kaba bir yaklaşım olacağı için, yeni takipleşmeye başladığı kişiler, beğenileri, yorumları inceleyebilir ve bu şekilde çıkarımlarda bulunabilirsiniz. Bunun yanında bazı uygulamalardan da bahsetmek isteriz. Örneğin whatslog. Bu uygulama ile sevgilinizin kaç kere ve ne kadar süre whatsapp uygulamasında online olduğunu görebilirsiniz.
Genel olarak bu uygulama gibi, sevgilinizin sosyal medyada ne kadar vakit geçirdiğini analiz edebileceğiniz birçok uygulama mevcut. Bu uygulamaları kullanarak ve sevgilinizin hareketlerini gözlemleyerek, rahatlıkla bir sonuca varabileceğinizi söyleyebiliriz fakat tekrar belirtmek isteriz ki, en sağlıklı yöntem konuşmaktır. Sinirli veya üzgün bir şekilde değil de, sevgilinizle dostane bir yakınlıkla sohbet ederseniz, sorularınızı daha içten cevaplayacaktır.
Sevgilim İle Aramdaki Güven Problemini Nasıl Aşabilirim?
İlişki kavramı aslında iki bireyin ortak bir emeğidir. Arkadaşlık, aile, flört nasıl olursa olsun, ortaya bir emek koymak gerekiyor. Bu yüzden ilişkinizin en başında dürüst olmanız sonradan yaşanacak birçok problemin de önüne geçecektir. Aynı zamanda ilişkinizde doğru bir iletişim kurduğunuzdan emin olmalısınız. Güven problemi dediğimiz de akla sadece aldatmak geliyor olsa da, aslında bir insan konuşamadığında ve dinlenmediğini düşündüğünde de güven problemleri yaşar; acaba beni hala seviyor mu? Acaba benden ayrılmayı mı düşünüyor? Ona eskisi gibi değer veriyor muyum? Gibi sormaya başlar ve en sonunda ilişki yaşadığı o kişiye duyduğu güveni sorgulamaya başlar. Biliyorsunuz, ilişkiye başlarken kimse 3 ay sonra ayrılacağız veya 6 yıl sonra evleneceğiz diye başlamıyor ama çok uzun sürecekmiş gibi hissettiğimiz veya öyle olmasını istediğimiz için de o güveni yaratırız kendi içimizde.
Güven problemlerini aşmanın bir diğer ideal yolu ise paylaşım yapmak. Sevgilinizle özel bir şeyler yapmalısınız. Çıkabiliyorsanız seyahate çıkın, birlikte bir süre vakit geçirin, sohbet edin, film izleyin, oyun oynayın. Paylaşım yaptıkça aslında konuşacağınız yeni konular da biriktirmiş olacaksınız. Günümüzde birçok çiftin en büyük problemi iletişimsizlik. Bu yüzden bu konuya bilhassa önem vermenizi isteriz.
Güvensizliğiniz karşı tarafın yaptığı yanlış bir hareketten kaynaklanıyorsa, mesela sizi daha önce aldatmış ise açık yüreklilikle belirtebiliriz ki maalesef sizin güven duygunuzu tamir edebileceğimiz bir kelime şu an için yok… Sadece bu tarz ilişkilerde genellikle ilişki zaten bitmiş oluyor. İlla bir tavsiye isterseniz, sevgilinizin artılarını ve eksilerini not alın. Kafa karışıklığınızı az da olsa bu şekilde bitirebilirsiniz. 😊
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